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Lukey wants a wife Life is not a dress rehearsal; it is serious business. Relationships often top the list. But for now, put on a clown hat and read this silly saga of Lukey as he searches for a mate; one lucky woman. Hello potential female mates, I’m Lukey. I’m ready to leave work and go home. Home i looking to hookup dating in Raleigh NC, Salem, Arctic AK, Blue Mountains , Salvador, Stonewall TX s a trailer park where I live with my sister Petal and Grandma. Grandma does not exactly live there anymore; we just keep her ashes in a coffee can on a table in front of the television. She used to be on top of the TV in an urn, but I accidentally broke it and some of Grandma spilled down inside. I took off the back to scoop Grandma out, but couldn’t tell her from the dust and those fuzzy things inside. Grandma was kind of fuzzy too so that may have been her, I’m not sure. I left things alone because I was sneezing real bad and didn’t want to blow Grandma all over the place. So now she is in the can and the TV. Grandma was wrong about not being in two places at the same time. Actually she is in three places. I put a little pinch of her in a railroad car parked on the side tracks. She always wanted to travel. Grandma, if you can hear me, I hope you get to those mountains you always dreamed about. Here at work I’m a Seed Packet Party Appointment Setter. I up people during supper time. I see if they will host a party where we sell little packets of seeds. I get paid real well for every appointment. The ad said I could make up to $. The best I can remember, I only drove down that road one time. That was before they paved it. Back then it was just dirt and loose gravel. That was where I hit that big pot hole that caused my hood to pop up and blind me. I have always been real sorry for interrupting those nice folks supper that way. It wouldn’t be fair to be unfriendly at a dumb road because that wreck was partly my fault. But, it was also the fault of that hornet that flew in the window and made me scoot around like that. If that had not happened those nice folks would still have a front porch to sit on. I expect they still miss that old hound dog, too. But, I was able to replace most of the chickens. I never did find a mule they liked, so I had to paint their barn instead. It looked real pretty. Now, about my age; I’ll answer this question the best way I know. It all depends on whose doing the telling. For years, Uncle Daddy tried to pass off Aunt Wendy as my mother but she didn’t want no part in that tale. Aunt Wendy said my real mother was some gypsy lady that came through these parts back in the ’30s. I think Uncle Daddy had a thing for black haired women but would never admit to it. He always got a little flushed whenever she was mentioned. It seems that gypsy lady pretty well cleaned out Uncle Daddy’s old store. The only thing left on the shelf was a rusty rat trap and two jugs of Clorox. Uncle Daddy said she left the jugs because it wasn’t real bleach inside; it was his corn licker. Ain’t no woman going to drink that stuff because it grows hair on your chest. It also makes a good dog dip to keep down the fleas. But, it’s not for cats; it turns them into wild things that act real scary. They wait until you are asleep, then they unload on every stick of furniture you own. Whew, I still get nose bleeds from that! Aunt Wendy says the gypsy lady was caught and sent to the jail for more than a year. Maybe that’s when I was born. When I was older, I went down to the jailhouse before it burned down during the riot of ‘57. There were lots of names carved on the wall and I was hoping her name was there. But, I didn’t see none that I didn’t recognize; mostly cousins on Uncle Daddy’s side of the family and my first-grade teacher who took a turn at bank robbing because it was more exciting than stinky kids and head lice. I remember when I was a tot I would get a birthday present every year, sometimes in the summer and sometimes in the winter. I was almost ten before I learned it was supposed to be the same time every year. I once looked through Uncle Daddy’s old bible to see what day they wrote down, but my name was scratched out so I couldn’t make out the date. Best I can figure I must be around 70 years. Me and my sister Petal come from good stock, we do. Our best years are still out there somewhere; I feel it in my bones. Grandma felt the same thing but that turned out to be arthritis. Well, I’ve got to leave work and get home to help my sister Petal finish nailing that new baby crib together. It’s looking real pretty. Don’t write me if you have something that causes itchy fits because I’m expecting to try out again for the church choir. I’ll do this as soon as I get my PhD in church singing from this 8-week online university. It is in a place ed Nigeria. I’m not sure where that is, but it may be over by Johnson’s Creek someplace. I never realized it was so easy to become a doctor; you don’t even have to take tests. They said I sounded smart enough to get my diploma and my sense of rhythm certificate without any tests. They will be mailed just as soon as I make my last payment. My sister Petal is thinking about being a doctor too. We’d be the only two living in the entire trailer park. I told Dr. Leekman I was going to be a doctor soon. He said to come in and get my head examined. No thanks! I don’t need to know any more medical facts. Doctor Lukey; that title sounds real good. Grandma would be so proud. I'm real excited waiting to hear from some lucky lady who knows a good thing when she sees it. Oh, and my sister Petal said to remember that some men need to be graded on the curve. Lukey

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